I’ve been bat shit stir crazy lately being stuck in the house due to the crappy air. Last night, I told my husband I was pulling the wife card and demanding he take the day off today so we could get the hell out of the Bay Area. I’ve been so damn cooped up and craving some adventure/a full inhale of some fresh air. So we loaded up the car today and just drove. No planned destination.
We made our way into swervy mountain roads - something that usually has me visualizing plummeting to my death and paralyzed with anxiety. Today, all I could do was stare in awe at the beauty of the sun setting over the hills. What the fuck? No anxiety. My husband chose to stop at a few lakes/nature spots to take pictures - something that would usually irritate the hell out of me because I’m typically rushing to just get to our destination. Today, I got out and enjoyed all of the beautiful scenes, smells, and sounds with no resistance. Again - what the fuck? No anxiety.
We ended up in Groveland and landed ourselves a sweet little cabin. I wanted to check out a health foods store (40 min away). Driving ANY road at night is enough to shoot my anxiety through the roof. Add mountain roads into the mix, panic attacks call my name. I found myself even TRYING to get anxious (old patterns), but couldn’t. No sick thought could work me up. And believe me, I tried. Again, what the fuck? We made it to the store (it was awesome). But got lost on the way back. And I’m talking “middle of nowhere dark mountain roads, no cell service, I had to use a map to get us back home” lost. This would have had me in full-blown terror mode any other day, but today, I found it FUN. Again, what the fuck? I tried with one last sick attempt to self sabatoge and said out loud to my husband “if we died out here, no one would find us.” Again, didn’t work. I laughed. Biggest WHAT THE FUCK. So I threw my hands up and said pull over, I want to take a picture as proof of this night (picture above).
Not sure if my gut is happier due to all of the juicing, if I’m changing as a person, or perhaps a bit of both/other things, but I’ll tell you this. I’m definitely all smiles and inhales of fresh air tonight. Life is good.